I’ve known about my hearing loss for 31 years (diagnosed at age 11), and have gone through several stages dealing with my deafness:
- feeling ashamed to tell people I couldn’t hear
- trying to hide my hearing loss
- denying my hearing loss
- hiding my hearing aids
- complete acceptance of both my hearing loss and hearing aids
When normal hearing people try to push me or any other hard of hearing (hoh) person back into any of the first four stages, my protective instinct gently emerges. Many years ago, this protective instinct was out of control. I believed I could whiplash normal hearing people into sync with my new-found acceptance of hearing loss.
Sad to say, I no longer remember the name of the first poor unfortunate soul to experience the whiplash effect. We’ll call her “Sarah.” Sarah made a huge mistake minutes after meeting me. She took me aside and said in a cheery voice, “I just thought you’d like to know that I can see your hearing aids!”
To say I reacted poorly is an understatement. Pressure cookers have nothing on me when I‘m angry. I said, “So? What do you want me to do, cover them up? Do you want me to be ashamed that I can’t hear well? Why should I hide my hearing aids? I can’t help the fact that I’m hard of hearing! Why don’t you hide your glasses – I can see them!”
Poor Sarah. She high-tailed it out of there and left me stewing.
Have you ever done something like this?
Kim Said:
on August 24, 2007 at 6:02 am
I have been known to get snippy– yes. I can’t think of a great example at the moment. There was a time at work, however, when I was in training and they had this little bell they used to ring when they needed help. I couldn’t hear the bell. Instead of discussing it with me, one of my coworkers talked to everyone BUT me, then discussed it with my supervisor. This SO ticked me off to learn everyone was talking about how to handle my hearing problem behind my back. Finally this woman approached me and told me I was not to leave the desk area between certain hours because I couldn’t hear the bell.
I told her that wasn’t how we were going to handle it because I am more observant than most folks. I also told her in no uncertain terms if she EVER had a problem working with me because of my hearing to please discuss it with me before talking to everyone else about it, because I usually knew the best way around anything that came up. We have worked together well ever since! I became more aware of the desk from a distance, and she has learned some ASL.
Hoh Said:
on August 24, 2007 at 3:01 pm
It’s good to hear other people’s stories about this – thanks for writing about it!
Cindy
The One and Only Ridor Said:
on August 25, 2007 at 1:56 am
Listen, your experiences in adapting as a Deaf individual (No I do not define you as a hard of hearing since that term is very divisive, I prefer Deaf in referring to the whole spectrum of hearing loss in any degree), your response is very normal.
According to Paddy Ladd’s Deafhood, the response on your part is a progress of your own experiences as Deaf individual which you view it to be positive, not negative. So when someone responded to you about your hearing aids in a negative manner, you changed it to positive despite the fact that you nailed Sarah.
Now that is your own Deafhood right there.
R-
Hoh Said:
on August 25, 2007 at 2:07 am
Ridor –
I always feel caught between both worlds – the deaf and the hearing, but not fully accepted by either one. Because I have very, very limited sign language skills, I have trouble communicating with signing Deaf people. And my deafness excludes me from easily communicating with hearing people.
But I appreciate your support – I need to read up on Paddy Ladd’s Deafhood.
Thanks for stopping by.
Cindy
Pearl of the Dark Age Said:
on August 25, 2007 at 4:19 am
Hi! I got your comment on my blog, and I came here to check out yours! Do you have a Livejournal account? I read through your page, and I know what you mean. I also have tinnitus, which is something I forgot to mention in my story.
Thank you for sharing your story with us! ^_^
~Pearl
Lucy Said:
on August 25, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Hello Cindy
Many thanks for your comment over at my blog; I have enjoyed reading yours. My post was probably filled with false assumptions and statements of the obvious, but certainly has prompted valuable responses which will bring much insight and support both to Tom and to me, not least of which is that there’s a lot of it about and we need to be open about it. Isn’t it ironic that the one disablility that people NEED to be told about, because it’s least visible and most important to communication, is the one there seems to be most shame and silence about, and why?
The debate about the wording is interesting too; we opt for deaf, because it’s clear and precise and we feel that ‘hard of hearing’ sounds a bit mealy-mouthed; on the other hand, there is a difference between people who’ve been deaf since very early and have learned lip-reading and, crucially, signing, and those who still rely on hearing a lot having lost it later…Tom wondered if ‘partially deaf’ was an option?
Anyway, thanks again, I have you bookmarked; blogging is so great for discovering you’re not alone!
Cameron Said:
on August 25, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Hi Cindy. Thank you for visiting my site recently. You have a very interesting and useful site. I added your site URL to my recent post. Will you consider a blog roll swap with me? I am going ahead by adding your site to my roll. Hope that is ok with you.
charcoalsilhouette Said:
on March 2, 2008 at 1:58 am
I had one of my friends (sitting behind me in class) get incredibly angry with me once. She must’ve been asking me something, because I was fiddling with my pencil, and didn’t hear her. The next moment she’s yanked on my ponytail, leaving me to shriek in surprise. Needless to say, neither of us were mad, but it taught me something about paying attention.
Jeff Bootstraps Fisher Said:
on December 24, 2008 at 12:47 am
Albert and Richard and I want you to tell everyone
that we are going to make sure all events on televison
in the near future will also have signers so no one
is left out of the picture.
Please email this to everyone including all whom
are associated with Gauldette University.
Check out the link for the website.
There is also much online by doing an Internet search
(Google) of Al Gore Jeff Fisher World Peace Forever
I studied ASL at Northern Essex Community College in 1994.
In 2006 I did some volunteer work at your campus. Not ASL.
It was teaching how to write different languages.
Helen Keller was very important to me as a child.
I used to wear hearing aids but God my father cured me in 2006 at Dania Beach.
He also cured me of epilepsy.
I still have bad vision, bad teeth and once in while a bad case
of very stinky gas. HEHE
Please tell all that We never forget about anyone.
I look forward to seeing many of you email me
and also Albert and Mary Elizabeth.
My address is GodLovesChristianJeffFisher@gmail.com
Alberts is PresidentAlbertArnoldGoreJr@gmail.com
Tipper’s is MaryElizabethTipperGore@gmail.com